Helpful Tips

Tomorrow is the big race. As you all know, I'm less than prepared. Like, really less than prepared.


(not me.)

No matter.

In the spirit of someone that might have some advice for others, I've created a list of things that will and will not help you run. This is for anyone that might be considering a road race longer than anything they've ever even attempted, and then blow off training for said race, and then rediscover a love of ice cream, and then trying to cram in a few months of runs into one week, fueled only by shame and fear (thank you Allie Brosh, for coining a phrase that so aptly applies to my life).

Without further ado...

Buying budget-crushing workout clothes will not make you run faster. I know, I was surprised too.

On that point, buying said clothes in loud prints and colors, under the mindset of "If I'm wearing something totally ridiculous, I'll force myself to run faster, so I don't look like the slow loser who's wearing crazy clothes," will not make you run faster. You will just look like a slow loser in ridiculous, crazy clothes. Been there, sister. Been there.

Exaggerating a slow pace at the start of your run will help you to not burn out early. Thanks, Dad!

Talking about running over gChat with Lindsay will not do the same thing as actually running. And while we're on the subject of Lindsay, she will not do as poorly as she says she will. Don't be fooled. She was a personal trainer and has run a half marathon.

Putting five miles in perspective will help you get to the end of the race. I hope.

Remembering that you never have to run five miles again in your entire life will also help, I think.

Helpful? I thought so.

After all, who better to give running advice than the girl who loses her will to live after about 1.34 miles?