Helpful Tips

Tomorrow is the big race. As you all know, I'm less than prepared. Like, really less than prepared.


(not me.)

No matter.

In the spirit of someone that might have some advice for others, I've created a list of things that will and will not help you run. This is for anyone that might be considering a road race longer than anything they've ever even attempted, and then blow off training for said race, and then rediscover a love of ice cream, and then trying to cram in a few months of runs into one week, fueled only by shame and fear (thank you Allie Brosh, for coining a phrase that so aptly applies to my life).

Without further ado...

Buying budget-crushing workout clothes will not make you run faster. I know, I was surprised too.

On that point, buying said clothes in loud prints and colors, under the mindset of "If I'm wearing something totally ridiculous, I'll force myself to run faster, so I don't look like the slow loser who's wearing crazy clothes," will not make you run faster. You will just look like a slow loser in ridiculous, crazy clothes. Been there, sister. Been there.

Exaggerating a slow pace at the start of your run will help you to not burn out early. Thanks, Dad!

Talking about running over gChat with Lindsay will not do the same thing as actually running. And while we're on the subject of Lindsay, she will not do as poorly as she says she will. Don't be fooled. She was a personal trainer and has run a half marathon.

Putting five miles in perspective will help you get to the end of the race. I hope.

Remembering that you never have to run five miles again in your entire life will also help, I think.

Helpful? I thought so.

After all, who better to give running advice than the girl who loses her will to live after about 1.34 miles?

Chuck Bass: Hottie Thinker of the Day

I like interpretations of what attractive men with Preppy Hair are thinking in pictures better than just pictures of them.
Don't you?
Much more interesting.

Have you ever wanted to know what Chuck Bass is thinking?

Mystery Solved!






Happy Tuesday!

Bad Omens.

As surprising as this may be to all of you, I have a few bad habits. One of my worst? A penchant for getting terribly excited about a new hobby, saying I'm going to really "stick with" this one and "see it through," and then completely abandoning my pursuit about a month later.

For the purpose of this post, "it" is the 5 Mile road race this coming Saturday.

I talked, blogged and jogged my way through the first week after signing up. I was going to be a RUNNER, all caps. Fulfill my dreams of being lithe on my feet!

Then week two hit, and I sort of got sick of running. Then I went on vacation on week three. Then something at work happened... then I got sleepy... then I need to do laundry...

Fast forward to now, when I haven't run (actually, participated in any type of physical activity) for the past two weeks.


(Me, probably)

Things aren't looking good, my friends. I walked the dog for a mile yesterday and my hamstrings are sore. There is no way I finish this race in any sort of respectable time. Just no way.

My bad habits strike again.

GO AMERICA! WOOOOO!

As I'm sure many of you are, I'm getting ready for a relaxing Memorial Day Weekend. My little brother is graduating from high school (Go Brad!), the pool is calling my name, and Boyfriend and I might play a little golf (which is actually means he'll play golf, and I'll expand on the pool lounging as previously mentioned).

So, yes, rainbows and puppies all around. Memorial Day Weekend is fulfilling my dreams already.

(Image from a site who's URL is not made up of very nice words, ironically, so I'll just link it here.)

That being said, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people gorge themselves on hot dogs and brownies in the name of something they don't know or understand. Memorial Day sometimes falls under this category, and in that spirit...

A BRIEF (AND SASSY) HISTORY LESSON:
Created soon after the American Civil War, Memorial Day (nee Decoration Day, which I slightly prefer because it reminds me of streamers) is a federal holiday that was created to honor those who have given their lives in service as members of the U.S. Military. Another fun fact, you ask? The first Memorial Day, according to Yale Professor David Blight, was celebrated by formerly enslaved African Americans at Washington Race Course in South Carolina. According to Wikipedia, "The race course had been used as a temporary Confederate prison camp for captured Union soldiers in 1865, as well as a mass grave for Union soldiers who died there. Immediately after the cessation of hostilities, formerly enslaved people exhumed the bodies from the mass grave and interred them properly with individual graves. They built a fence around the graveyard with an entry arch and declared it a Union graveyard. The work was completed in only ten days. On May 1, 1865, the Charleston newspaper reported that a crowd of up to ten thousand, mainly black residents, including 2800 children, proceeded to the location for included sermons, singing, and a picnic on the grounds, thereby creating the first Decoration Day."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day

There.

Now you know.





p.s. Can we talk about how ridiculous that rainbow and puppy picture is?

UPDATE: Monday Total Hotties

American Psycho Hottie: Christian Bale

Please enjoy this entirely gratuitous set of Christian Bale photos.
Update: I have updated these photos to reflect what I believe Bale is tying to express in these photos.

Christian Bale.

A conservationist.

A thinker.

An angst-y teen.



Happy Monday!

Rants and Raves (mostly rants)

One of my greatest joys in life is pointing out the ridiculous.

Ranging from the mildly absurd to the wildly incorrect and vaguely inappropriate, I enjoy a certain smug satisfaction from discovering that I am right about something, and whoever committed the offense is wrong.

It's actually not unlike the "Really with Seth and Amy" skits on Saturday Night Live (except most of the time it's mental dialogue and Boyfriend never laughs hard enough).



(Did that work? HTML isn't really my thing... if it didn't, here's the link: http://www.hulu.com/watch/13828/saturday-night-live-really-with-seth-and-amy)

Anyway, this morning's very-similar-to-really-with-seth-and-amy-but-not-exactly-the-same rant (please don't sue me SNL, I do not make enough money to fight you in the courts) is directed towards my local coffee chain (who I love unconditionally, but this just goes to show that the ones you love can sometimes hurt you the most).

Seriously, coffee shop I refuse to name because I fear legal retaliation? When you say "eight flavors; endless combinations" on your menu, do you not realize that those two statements are completely incongruent? That if, in fact, you have eight flavors, the maximum number of combinations you can have is 64? And that's only if someone wants to be a real pain in the butt... with eight flavors, what you really have is EIGHT combinations. Because nobody wants a hazelnut-raspberry-coconut iced coffee. And while we're on that subject, nobody really wants a raspberry iced coffee, either. You lured me in with that one a while ago, and tasted like broken promises.

Who really wants endless coffee combinations, anyway? When I stumble into your brightly colored shop in the morning, all I want is something that will keep me moving for the next few hours until I can substitute Diet Coke in for my caffeine fix. I can barely choose between vanilla and caramel, let alone endless possibilities. Who are you trying to capture with your menu marketing? Who is the guy that says, "Gah?! Only 64 choices?! This is COMPLETELY unacceptable! I want to know that I could be here for years choosing my bean-based beverage... with 64 options, I will only have but a few shorts hours."

You know what? I don't even want to know that guy. Please just take the "endless" off your signage, and we'll go back to back to the way we were. Thank you.

End rant.

Now, go to hulu.com and make them money, and watch SNL this weekend (so neither of them come after the sassy b's).

Classroom Haiku

Oh, little children
Why do you like Hot Cheetos
The world is orange

Little girl in class
You say “You look really weird”
I lack mascara

Classroom grammar book
I’m not sure you understand
What synonym means

Please, no more Red Bull
Or Monster Energy Drinks
Your heart will explode

You ask me my age
You ask if I am eighty
Yes, I say, I am

Don’t pick your nose here
Even though I am reading
I can still see you

J'adore Cape Cod.

I love Cape Cod. I love it in ways that are normally reserved for children, spouses, and really excellent jewelry. I love it with my whole being, my entire core. I love. love. love. the cape.

When the weather starts getting nicer (anywhere above 60 degrees, really), my mind starts wandering down 6A and towards the beach. Today's temperatures will allegedly reach the high seventies, and so my brain is firmly planted in Harwichport.

I think the reason I love the cape so much has less to do with its geographical location, and more to do with what I do there. Which is to practice my lounging and lolling about.

Have you ever lolled? Southern and I are big fans of the Sweet Potato Queens, and they introduced me to the concept. Lolling about is a combination of lying around, drinking cool beverages, and convincing people to amuse you while you recline on some sort of cushioned surface. It's my activity of choice.

Tanning while lolling is an excellent way to spend the day. Add a book (perhaps a Red Dress Novel?) and you've created the single most perfect situation in existence.

There are only a few short days left in May, and then June (and lolling, and cape season) is upon us. I'm ready. Are you?

The Most Spectacular of Photo-Bombs.

The events that led to this photograph were quite serendipitous indeed.
They came together to create a really quite scenic and perfectly executed photo bomb. Northern and I decided it really provided a quite telling picture of our fabled sassy-ness.

Northern and Southern B's photobombing Boyfriend (Southern's) while Fly-Fishing.

For more photo bombs, please visit:
Photo Bomb
Some can be slightly (or completely) distasteful or NSFW.

Monday Total Hotties

West Wing Hottie: Rob Lowe

Now:

Then:

(far left)

Doesn't he just have the most beautiful prep hair? Yes. YES he does.