Rants and Raves (mostly rants)

One of my greatest joys in life is pointing out the ridiculous.

Ranging from the mildly absurd to the wildly incorrect and vaguely inappropriate, I enjoy a certain smug satisfaction from discovering that I am right about something, and whoever committed the offense is wrong.

It's actually not unlike the "Really with Seth and Amy" skits on Saturday Night Live (except most of the time it's mental dialogue and Boyfriend never laughs hard enough).



(Did that work? HTML isn't really my thing... if it didn't, here's the link: http://www.hulu.com/watch/13828/saturday-night-live-really-with-seth-and-amy)

Anyway, this morning's very-similar-to-really-with-seth-and-amy-but-not-exactly-the-same rant (please don't sue me SNL, I do not make enough money to fight you in the courts) is directed towards my local coffee chain (who I love unconditionally, but this just goes to show that the ones you love can sometimes hurt you the most).

Seriously, coffee shop I refuse to name because I fear legal retaliation? When you say "eight flavors; endless combinations" on your menu, do you not realize that those two statements are completely incongruent? That if, in fact, you have eight flavors, the maximum number of combinations you can have is 64? And that's only if someone wants to be a real pain in the butt... with eight flavors, what you really have is EIGHT combinations. Because nobody wants a hazelnut-raspberry-coconut iced coffee. And while we're on that subject, nobody really wants a raspberry iced coffee, either. You lured me in with that one a while ago, and tasted like broken promises.

Who really wants endless coffee combinations, anyway? When I stumble into your brightly colored shop in the morning, all I want is something that will keep me moving for the next few hours until I can substitute Diet Coke in for my caffeine fix. I can barely choose between vanilla and caramel, let alone endless possibilities. Who are you trying to capture with your menu marketing? Who is the guy that says, "Gah?! Only 64 choices?! This is COMPLETELY unacceptable! I want to know that I could be here for years choosing my bean-based beverage... with 64 options, I will only have but a few shorts hours."

You know what? I don't even want to know that guy. Please just take the "endless" off your signage, and we'll go back to back to the way we were. Thank you.

End rant.

Now, go to hulu.com and make them money, and watch SNL this weekend (so neither of them come after the sassy b's).

Temperature Elevates, World Mourns (Running Music)

As spring approaches, one must take a serious look at the lethargy and overwhelming sloth of the past few months. Months when one could sit idly on a couch and say “it is simply too cold to go outside and move around with an elevated heartbeat for over 30 minutes.” Out here on the Rez there is no gym, no treadmills, no fun workout classes. There are just sandy trails snaking through low shrubs and (seriously) tumbleweed.
For this reason, I have not exercised in any meaningful way for a long time. The snow has almost completely melted, along with my excuses. It is time to brush the dust off the old iPod, pull on my trail-runners, and venture outside.
To help me cope with this sad reality, I have to have music get me through. I have compiled a list of my favorite running/workout songs. Hopefully they will bring you some solace and aid you as you attempt to peel yourself away from your cheesy poofs and dinners-for-two eaten by one.
1. Fatboy Slim – Weapon of Choice
Awesome. Also Christopher Walken dances in the video.
2. David Guetta ft. Akon – Sexy Bitch
Makes you feel like a Sexy B while running.
3. Lights – Saviour
The chorus is catchy.
4. K’Naan – Waving Flag
Inspirational for long runs.
5. Britney Spears – 3
Nothing beats a good Britney jam.
6. Florence and the Machines – Dog Days are Over
I can't get over this song. I love it.
7. Beck – Timebomb
Tick Tick Tick
8. Cake – Shut the F*ck Up
First, its Cake. Second, the lyric "like sharpened knives through chicken McNuggets."
9. Ladyhawke – Dusk Till Dawn
Catchy and fun to run to.
10. The Who – Baba O’Riley
For some reason, this makes the time on a run go much faster. You can also imagine you are on CSI.
11. Lupe Fiasco – Solar Midnite
Good.
12. Wyclef Jean ft. Maya – Ghetto Superstar
Elementary School Fave.
13. The Replacements – Alex Chilton
I once did a beautiful choreographed dance for KW to this song. It makes you want to bob your head up and down. I don't know why.
14. Garbage – Paranoid
Because its Garbage.
15. Sublime – April 29, 1992
So you can feel like a Badass
16. Ben Folds Five – Army
I love songs with Piano in them.
17. Hellogoodbye – Here in Your Arms
This is a good car song as well.
18. Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc.
A bit of a throw back.
19. Jay-Z – Dirt Off Your Shoulders
Ladies is pimps too.
20. The XX – Crystalized
Good for zoning out.
21. K’Naan – T.I.A.
Because DiCaprio said it.


Happy Running,