Helpful Tips

Tomorrow is the big race. As you all know, I'm less than prepared. Like, really less than prepared.


(not me.)

No matter.

In the spirit of someone that might have some advice for others, I've created a list of things that will and will not help you run. This is for anyone that might be considering a road race longer than anything they've ever even attempted, and then blow off training for said race, and then rediscover a love of ice cream, and then trying to cram in a few months of runs into one week, fueled only by shame and fear (thank you Allie Brosh, for coining a phrase that so aptly applies to my life).

Without further ado...

Buying budget-crushing workout clothes will not make you run faster. I know, I was surprised too.

On that point, buying said clothes in loud prints and colors, under the mindset of "If I'm wearing something totally ridiculous, I'll force myself to run faster, so I don't look like the slow loser who's wearing crazy clothes," will not make you run faster. You will just look like a slow loser in ridiculous, crazy clothes. Been there, sister. Been there.

Exaggerating a slow pace at the start of your run will help you to not burn out early. Thanks, Dad!

Talking about running over gChat with Lindsay will not do the same thing as actually running. And while we're on the subject of Lindsay, she will not do as poorly as she says she will. Don't be fooled. She was a personal trainer and has run a half marathon.

Putting five miles in perspective will help you get to the end of the race. I hope.

Remembering that you never have to run five miles again in your entire life will also help, I think.

Helpful? I thought so.

After all, who better to give running advice than the girl who loses her will to live after about 1.34 miles?

I'm an "athlete!"

"Athlete" in quotation marks, because really, I'm not. But by June 5th, I will be...

Explanation:

I've always wanted to be one of those effortlessly sporty, spandex short wearing, perky ponytail swishing girls. Pangs of jealousy used to gnaw at me every time they jogged by me eating an ice cream cone on the street.

A few months ago, I worked at a gym. Let me tell you, it's hard to avoid the gym when you work. there. The trainers will not give you a break! So I started working out. At first, it was just the elliptical, but as time went on, I started feeling like I wasn't actually doing anything. I decided to conquer the treadmill.

I started very slowly, but I've now gotten to the point where an average jog is somewhere around two miles. Instead of reviling in my success, what do I do? I SIGN UP FOR A ROAD RACE.

That's right my friends. Come June 5th, I'll be running the Harpoon Road Race. It's about five miles, and I'll be doing it with the boyfriend, his friends, and some of the boyfriends' friends' girlfriends who are now MY friends (phew).

Tonight's the night I see whether I can actually even RUN five miles.

Pray for me.

Why is fitness so controversial?

Since Southern B mentioned some new and superb songs to power up your workout (which I have already downloaded and tested thankyouverymuch), I thought I'd share a little rant I have about working out and fitness in general.

I think you could ask any woman, and she'd tell you that at one point in her life, she's been jealous of another woman's shape. I don't think that's a bad thing, so long as it doesn't become all consuming. Sometimes, seeing something you desire in others pushes you to get after it yourself.

A little jealousy can go a long way when it comes to fitness. In fact, seeing another girl running longer or faster on the treadmill next to me always pushes me to ramp up my efforts... and if she looks great in a pair of yoga pants I've been lusting after, WELL, let's push for the extra mile, shall we?

My rant is not the jealousy, it's how I feel some people manifest that feeling by begrudging the girl who's working it on the elliptical over yonder.

Today in the Boston Globe, an article was written about women and exercise. Specifically, how a new Brigham and Women’s Hospital study argues that women who begin with a healthy body weight should be aiming for 60 minutes of exercise a day. Presumably, that would mean women who don't have a healthy body weight should be doing more than that, if they're trying to loose. While older guidelines have always been around 30 to 60 minutes, I think conventional wisdom has always rounded down to 30 (which, incidentally, is the US Department of Health and Human Services’ standard).

I can already imagine the backlash I'd receive if I showed this article to some of my friends ("MORE EXERCISE?!"). It's no secret that healthy eating and exercise have become a large part of my life in the past few years, but I still find it absolutely shocking how many people seem to be bothered by it.

The same goes for celebrities. Why do people, and women in particular, get so angry when they see a healthy celebrity being photographed coming out of the gym? Are they threatened? Why do they feel the need to say "I could do that, if I had a trainer/chef/person I could miraculously pay to run for me?"

Look, you may not ever look like a model. That's normal! But lots of everyday people manage to look great all on their own, and I bet a little gym time and eating in moderation had something to do with it. It's not about how skinny you look, it's about how healthy you are. So stop telling me how you could look like that if you just did what they were doing, and do it! There's nothing worse than being jealous of something and doing nothing to quell that feeling.

Don't judge the other girl for doing her thing, just do yours. Let just a little bit of jealousy help to get you to the place where you can honestly say that you're doing the best you can to be healthy... and then unabashedly ask the girl next to you where she got those cute running shoes.